When Your Path Intertwines with Your Guru's
Those on the journey of knowing and healing their inner self may come across deep involvement and learning with spiritual Gurus / coaches / healers / teachers who claim to be enlightened, masters and superior beings to the layman.
For simplicity, we call them “Gurus” or “Guru” in this article. The danger arises when these “Gurus” carry a strong personal agenda driven by power and control. They want to become more powerful, influential and grow a loyal and devoted following.
This article shares the 9 Stages of Involvement if you or a loved one unwittingly becomes intertwined deeply with one of these spiritual leaders.
Stage 1: The beginner’s programme
The first major programme offered by transformation / self-help / spiritual Gurus often involves healing and self-discovery. At this stage, those who are naturally more inclined to the inner work may learn a lot about themselves, feel deep internal changes and healing, and have an eye-opening experience.
Meanwhile, those who joined simply out of curiosity and find the programme to be unhelpful, too much “bullshit” and unsuitable naturally drop out and discontinue.
Stage 2: Deepening through further programmes
What follows is typically seminars/talks/one-to-one sessions to convince the participant that there is more work to be done. Personal flaws, deep-seated inner issues to be healed and gaps to future dreams are pointed out. Higher level programmes are then presented as solutions with promises of further discovery, healing and guidance.
Red Flag 1: Next level programme(s) can be pricey. If you object to the exorbitant price, you might hear: “invest in yourself”, “this reflects how much you value yourself“, or “the more you put in, the more you gain“.
You may have just started and feel like you don’t know enough and want to learn more. Along with the trust built in the Guru’s abilities through the first programme, you might find yourself willingly forking out your savings for the next programme, personal coaching/healing, and so on.
Red Flag 2: If you try to exit at this stage, you may be told things that make you feel guilty about stopping now. You feel like you will miss out on something important in your life. If you leave now, you feel you might waste all your time and efforts previously. Therefore, even if this goes beyond your affordability of finances, time and efforts, you might find all ways and means to attend the next programmes.
Stage 3: Becoming part of the committee
Participants who gain a lot out of the Guru’s programmes are ideal candidates as future committee members who can help to grow and serve in the Guru’s community.
These participants are engaged further by the Guru or Guru’s managers, usually in a way that makes them feel exclusive and special. They are enrolled through further promises of deeper inner work, personalised or higher level training, leadership development, and teacher/coach/instructor/healer training.
Red Flag 3: These higher trainings require a commitment of significant time, effort or even financial investment with the Guru or Guru’s organisation.
Those with a keen interest in deepening their inner work, become a practitioner/ teacher, or wish to help others, may see their own path of helping others become possible and fulfilled by working in the Guru’s community.
Stage 4: Recruitment
Part of working in a spiritual Guru’s committee often includes recruitment of new members. These participants-turned-committee-members may find themselves involved in various events to attract and recruit new members, including their own friends and family. They might also be trained to serve as managers in the Guru’s organisation, where they recruit, train and manage other new committee members and participants.
Stage 5: “Hive” Mentality
As a committee member, you might become increasingly busy and involved with the Guru’s organisation over time.
Red Flag 4: Note if your personal life and priorities are affected by the time and effort commitments with the Guru. Your work or business, personal dreams, hobbies and interests, family and friend relationships, health, sleep, financial wellbeing and etc. are deprioritised. The primary objective is to grow yourself by committing more.
Red Flag 5: If your personal dreams and goals change towards being the same as the organisation’s, this is a red flag. You might be picking up a ‘hive’ mentality, where your mind starts to think and feel in the same way as the Guru’s, and you are losing yourself.
Those who succumb fully to a “hive” mentality live with the purpose of fulfilling the Guru’s visions, dreams and objectives.
They seek for the Guru’s validation that they are “good” followers of the teachings, and are on the right track towards “enlightenment”, “growth”, “healing”, “salvation” or other mission along with the Guru’s vision of helping the world.
Stage 6: Emergence
At this point, you have periods of awakening from a dream-like state of the “hive” mentality. You question what you are doing. Why did you start on this journey? What were your dreams before this? What are your dreams now?
You might feel tired and burnt out, and want more time and space to rest, chill with friends and family, pursue your dreams or simply lead a more balanced life.
If you are also a key contributing member or loyal participant, there is usually an internal struggle and external community judgement when you try to prioritise yourself. When you devote less time, finances and efforts to the Guru and Guru’s organisation, you might be perceived as being “lazy”, “off track”, “unconscious”, “traitor” and equivalent labels. You might even be called names and made to feel like you have wasted your Guru’s time and efforts in developing you.
Red Flag 6: You hold the same perceptions of yourself and try your best to return to being a good and loyal member of the community.
Fact: It is okay to the time to know yourself and decide what is best for you. You are not being a traitor, becoming unconscious, lazy or going off track. Your efforts and your Guru’s efforts have not been wasted, this is a fallacy.
Stage 7: Leaving
Sometimes, leaving becomes the only option. You feel that the time has come to an end, or there is an irreconcilable difference in values. Some leave quietly, some have dramatically, such as through a heated argument, ultimatum or expulsion.
Alternatively, some may continue on with lower commitment. However, continued involvement may still reinforce the “hive” mentality. These individuals may never truly break free to develop their individual selves, and continue to carry and propagate the “hive” mentality and conditioning.
Stage 8: Healing
Following a deep entrenchment with the Guru’s organisation, you may feel burnt out, tired, lost and confused. Your mindset, emotional patterns and perspectives have been very much influenced by your experiences with the Guru.
It is necessary is to heal and get to know yourself again:
- Understand what had happened to you
- Understand the changes and decisions you made during your involvement.
- Rediscover you and your environment, your dreams and priorities, your relationships and support networks.
- Differentiate yours from the “hive” mentality: your thoughts, reactions, perspectives, values, career and priorities, relationship expectations
- Make choices. Decide how you want to live, your priorities, mindsets, values and who you want to be
Stage 9: Living Your Life
By taking the lessons and experience from your involvement with the Guru(s), listening to your inner voice, and making conscious choices, you enter a stage of rebuilding your life. Likely you start a new career, business or practice, new and mended relationships with a wiser perspective on life.
If you are figuring out whether or not to follow a Guru as a way to find your path, read “Your Path or the Guru’s Path” for the key points to note. 1
