Finding My Path by Listening to My Inner Voice

Growing up, there was a focus on becoming successful socially and financially. Practical considerations typically are more important than the soft and unpredictable emotions, intuition and inner voice.

Since young, I was motivated to achieve the social norms and be “good”. Such as being good in my studies, blending in to social settings and learning life skills so that I could be better, fit in and be accepted.

Sometimes, I feel and hear whispers of my inner voice. It feels like a guide, like an undercurrent that runs quietly and surely. It has supported me in shaping life beyond the “normal” path of striving only to survive and feel good. I am thankful to hear and feel my intuition. In this post, I wish to share these experiences with you.

Dreaming Beyond

I remember when I was 8, I felt small and lost. Every morning, thousands of students gathered on a large concrete parade square for attendance taking, to recite the national anthem and pledge.

As one of the quietest children who often received the teacher’s comment, “too quiet, needs to speak up“, I felt invisible, like one of the thousands of students going to school each day.

Fortunately, there was a lot of time to dream, think and listen to my inner self.

A large part of school was spent waiting. I waited for other classmates to settle down, for the teacher to finish scolding the class, for everyone to move into position and basically for the mess to be put into temporary order.

While waiting and observing how the vocal ones were often the most popular and successful, I looked forward in time and wondered, “What if I work silently and consistently over the next ten years? Can I emerge top of my class, without being a vocal and popular star student?”

This question opened the possibility. I worked consistently over the next 15 years. Sharing notes and organising study groups, devising effective ways of learning. Shortly before graduation, I received a surprising news that I graduated top of my Bachelor’s degrees classes, awarded with nationally recognised gold medals.

Overcoming Social Fear

At the age of 13, I felt very much like “fish out of water”. I did not fit in. I did not speak or think in the same way and areas as my privileged peers.

If I expressed myself, I was afraid that I would be judged and exposed on how different I was. I became so quiet that I was left out on the class T-shirt which printed all of our names.

Being left out because I was too quiet was a wake-up call.

I felt that I needed to step out of my comfortable hiding zone of invisibility. I felt an inner drive to learn how to communicate and socialise. This inner voice gave me the determination to keep trying.Eventually, I was able to put aside my self-consciousness and share for the benefit of the audience, to socialise in foreign environments and to step beyond my bubble to connect genuinely with a range of people from the rural villages to corporate, business and social settings.

Finding my path in an unexpected career field

At the age of 25, the quarter-life crisis hit. I graduated with top honours, started working for a couple of years with a promising career path. But I felt hollow inside. I remember walking around the office and asking myself, “What do I really want in my life?”

The inner voice and intuition answered, “make a real difference”. I didn’t know what that meant exactly. I just knew that I wanted to go beyond the usual office worker dream of doing a job and getting promoted.

Coincidentally, in this period, the doors towards self-awareness work opened and I followed my inner voice to proceed. Before and after my official work hours, I delved into deep unknown waters of emotional and intuitive journeys.

I fell in love with healing. I trained and developed skills for facilitating and providing gentle healing spaces for people to heal from past hurts, journey through major transitions in life, know themselves and find inner peace. I developed a new identity and practices in energy and shamanic healing, life coaching and meditation teaching.

Letting Go of the Identities

I thought I had found my path and identity for life. As I progressed further into my 30s, a surprising inner shift started. The different aspects of my built up personas started falling away. The identification of myself as a good student, staff, team member, team leader, teacher, healer, coach, family member and various other roles started to fall away.

As they fell away, so did my motivation to represent myself in these roles. I felt that the roles were too limiting, and that a person’s identity is not simply limited to the roles.

The need to be validated and recognised for my abilities also started to fall away. My motivations to prove myself, to be recognised, to be successful and to be a “somebody” fell away.

Blog Intentions

This blog and possible future courses are created at a point where I feel increasingly disconnected to any of these identities.

I simply want to continue to learn, experience, share and exchange experiences, to understand the inner world more holistically and inclusively, and to enable those who seek for deeper meaning and fulfillment in their inner selves to journey forward and find what is right for them.

I sincerely hope that what is written and created here can be helpful to you. And I welcome discussions with the purpose of expanding the scope to more accurately reflect and assist others in the inner journeys of life.

Best wishes,
Dara Kei